It’s been a while since I last talked about my battle with perfectionism. As a refresher, I believe that our thoughts and behaviors are intertwined, so while I’ve been altering my perspective I’ve been actively adding new habits (and breaking some old ones). For example, I no longer meticulously count how long it takes me to complete assignments, nor do I stay up past midnight. I’ve set boundaries for myself and others, so I won’t feel as overworked or burdened. I set my alarm to 7:45 instead of 7:15, giving myself a bit more time to sleep and get closer to my eight hour goal. I always take time to reflect on my day and listen to my favorite songs to help boost my mood. Reading Nemesis is a challenge, because I bought You over the weekend, and Ms. Marple has lost her appeal. I bought six books at the library’s book sale and I need to read all of them, eventually. See, I made progress! I won't feel down if I don't finish Nemesis, maybe it's not its time to shine. Today is all about the final tool to overcoming perfectionism: overcoming procrastination.
What is procrastination? I’ve spent the past two weeks trying to figure that out, and I’ve discovered that it’s essentially a combination of many factors. Were you hoping for a simple definition? It can simplified, but this definition would be less accurate since we all procrastinate in different ways depending on our underlying issues. According to Procrastination.com, putting things off intentionally or habitually is the meaning of the word I’ve already repeated far too many times. I think the key word is
habitually. For example, I always say I’m going to go to the gym and get back the six-pack I had when I was 17, but I never do. I don’t think to myself “I’m going to skip today’s workout so I can waste my time and watch more TV”. I simply allow myself not to do it, every single time. I can make the time to workout, but I don’t. I firmly believe that putting things off intentionally is not inherently procrastinating, since that definition fits laziness perfectly. Laziness is not doing something you know you should be doing, just because you don’t want to (boo hoo). If I had all the time and resources, chose not to handle my responsibilities, and was fine with that
I’d be lazy. I’d be committing one of the seven deadly sins (sloth). Later on, the website itself states that procrastination is not laziness, stating that those who procrastinate feel guilt from their actions. Perhaps the fine line between the two is paved with remorse.
Since it’s often easiest to understand procrastination by accepted what it isn’t: laziness or relaxation (Procrastination.com), let's discuss the differences to get a clear picture. I thought that the action of procrastinating was just a nice way to rephrase pure laziness. If someone lacks the motivation to do what they need to do, and doesn’t follow through on their commitments, then they are lazy. I equated this to procrastination, but the two are not the same. Procrastination means
to delay. Procrastinators will delay tasks that invoke more anxiety, or are more challenging, in favor of more favorable tasks. The time they could be working on their term paper, they substitute with completing easier assignments or watching YouTube videos. They will eventually write their term paper, but since they
delayed its completion the result may be less than satisfactory. Procrastinators are known to say that they
work better under pressure, but
most sources say the opposite. For example, students who wait until the night before to start a project - or later than they should’ve - typically regret not starting sooner. This concept of guilt and anxiety over actions is what separates the lazy student from the average procrastinator. As you can tell, procrastinating isn't associated with positive emotions in the long run. It's a series of giving into immediate gratification, which doesn't have lasting benefits.
I didn’t consider myself to be good at relaxing. I mean, I never take naps and I don’t do yoga on Mondays. I knew that I needed more free time in my schedule to help decrease the chances of burnout (still happened), but the question of how to relax always got to me. Somewhere along the way I accepted that I’m doing just fine. The hunt for the perfect relaxation techniques was just another way for my perfectionism to obsess over something. Last week, I realized that I’ve been slacking on my work. It shouldn’t take me so long to finish my homework, and I’ve been easily distracted by my phone. Playing video games, watching TV, going for walks, etc… can all be great ways to alleviate some stress. But once you’re not getting your work done efficiently or you’re feeling stressed that you’re not doing something else, it’s time for change. Practicing patience and delaying gratification can be very helpful when trying to kill bad habits. Waiting until your homework is done to play video games, or being on your phone in short periods during breaks are great starting points.
Psychology Today - a journal with hundreds of articles by psychologists - suggests that perfectionists are often procrastinators. This may seem to be some type of mistake, but it isn’t. Those who set high expectations for themselves have to find ways to alleviate their high anxiety. Perfectionists may be too conscientious and become anxious when they don’t work on many assignments, or they may delay that anxiety for a later date. They could overload their schedules and fill their days with activities (fighting to reach each goal) or they could use these activities as distractions for work they should be getting done. Individuals may become overwhelmed and push things off until the last minute, either intentionally or unintentionally. Similar causes lead to different behaviors depending on the individual and how they handle stress. Too much of anything can be bad, so it’s always better to be somewhere in the middle rather than on two extremes.
Do not worry, you are not resigned to your fate to procrastinate; there is always hope. The first step is to see the problem, accept that it is a problem, and decide that you’re going to do something about it. Hopefully, after learning more about procrastination you’ve realized that it’s manageable. Changing your mindset and your behavior takes time (which requires patience) and effort (which requires motivation). In my case, the fear of failure and messing up resulted in me consuming more multimedia than normal as a way to keep my anxiety down. I was accepting immediate reward in exchange for a false sense of security and control. I noticed the change in my behavior and decided to find the answer explaining why I was behaving this way.
I accept that I struggle with relaxing and letting myself off the hook for things outside of my control. When everything felt outside of my control I had no idea how to react. Why couldn’t I work, study, do my homework, fulfill my officer duties, hang out with my friends, reach out to others, and take the time to be alone to recover from the day? Why couldn’t I do all the things I knew I could do if I tried harder? Face it, some things are outside of our control. But, there is always something we can do to make our situations better. Perfectionists, like me, struggle to hold realistic expectations for themselves, so taking things step by step and holding pride in your progress are great ways to steadily change. If you struggle with procrastination and/or perfectionism I encourage you to look through the sites down below and to read my previous Perfectionism posts. As I continue on this journey, I hope that you will continue to see the benefits of taking one step at a time and making a little more progress every day.
Sources and Helpful Links
Anxiety Canada:
Perfectionism Self-Help Guide
