Family Weekend Mayhem

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The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, 

but of respect and joy in each other’s life.

~Richard Bach

I don't see myself as a homebody, and I tend to make myself comfortable fairly quickly no matter where I am. But, there's something special about being with a group of people who love you unconditionally. Over the weekend, my mother, aunt, and grandma came all the way to Iowa to see me.

This term's been abnormally stressful, and I became sick over the week which made catching up on assignments difficult. Formal recruitment ended, but I still had so much work to do for my officer position. I decided to prioritize my responsibilities to my sorority sisters, over my own well-being. Though I never recommend someone doing this, I felt that I needed to do my best - despite my own ailments - because people depend on me. Naturally, I only became more stressed as my workload increased, and to top it all off my family was coming.

You’d be surprised (maybe not) by how quickly I got over my stress once we left. After spending time with my family, I gained three valuable experiences to help me get through the next week, and hopefully, the rest of the school year.

1. I streamlined my work

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I decided to finish my paper within one hour. If it takes the average woman 30 min to write a paper, it may take me an hour. I spend half of that time debating with myself about whether or not I should start over from scratch. Then, my mom arrived. My family took off work to come and see me. The least I could do was to keep work separate from my personal life. When we got back to my dorm I ranted for… 45 minutes? My mom is more reasonable when it comes to time management, and she told me to just do it. I challenged myself to finish that paper, so we could leave. When I did, I quickly finished another assignment. The solution was so simple, yet I couldn’t bring myself to do it without my mom telling me to. We all need that parental push once in a while. I won’t be spending more time than I need to on assignments anymore. 

2. I stood up to annoying men

We ordered Need Pizza for dinner, but there was no parking, so I hopped into the rain, and went to get our dinner. This really tall man - thin, ugly, and drunk - was harassing people out front. One man walked away and a couple walked inside. This man was blocking the door, so I had to walk past him. This fool had the audacity to say (drunk voice) Girl, you smilin’? You need to smile. How can I put into words how angry I was? He called me a girl AND told me to smile! I gave him the middle finger and pushed past him. I warned the inside staff about him, and pointed him out. When I left the shop, he stumbled to the other side of the sidewalk. He was lucky my mom wasn’t there. 

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He wasn’t the last sicko. After shopping the next day, a man followed behind us in his SUV. Now, this fool, had the nerve to try to intimidate us. He may have road rage, but I have woman rage. He should’ve been prepared for my attitude. We all know those drivers that think they have the right-of-way solely because they’re in a car; he’s one of them. My Grandma walked behind me to shield me from his car, and I looked him in the eyes. He glared at me. I glared at him. He pulled up slowly behind us and followed us into the parking lot of the hotel. 

I stood behind Grandma and put my arms up behind her. He drove to our side and rolled his window down. He was angry, so I talked VERY loudly about how his license plate was easy to remember and how you shouldn’t be a terrible driver if your license plate is so simple. When we got inside, I saw him get out of his car. No one seemed worried, but I was on edge. Later than night I tried to look for his car, to take photos for the police (just in case) but Grandma said she watched him leave hours before that. He was lucky too. 

3. I learned about my preferred aesthetics

We went to Ashley Furniture because my mom needs a couch. I had no clue how expensive furniture can be. The store was divided into themes based on whatever the designer thought looked well together. I love HGTV shows and had the basic idea that I wanted my dream home to be nice. This isn’t good enough. Do I want a whimsical or modern aesthetic? Do I want to feel energized in one room and relaxed in the other? There were many options, and I know that I have plenty of time to experiment with styles before I purchase my first home. Still, it’s never too early to know what you like. 

For starters, giant clocks are the way to go. I don’t know about you, but I want a giant clock in my living room. It’s purposeful and it’s art (apparently). What more can you ask for? I want paintings of trees and fish, and lights that sparkle. Basically, a magical forest with furniture that contains outlets for my electronics. My research this autumn is all about nature immersion and its effects on individuals, so maybe it’s destiny for my house to mimic a nature reserve. 

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At the end of all the amazing memories I've made with the woman in my family, I came back to campus with a clear head and a happy heart. My dorm is my private sanctuary, my sisters and friends are my family, and Coe is my home away from home. I'm not the type of person to become homesick, still, it's nice to know that there are people I can come back to.


Sources
Planet of Success Quotes

Why I Have Chosen a PWI instead of HBCU as a Minority Student

There is a controversial topic about whether a Historically Black College/ University (HBCU)
or Predominantly White Institution (PWI) is better for African American students to attend. Some
people of color look down on others for not attending an HBCU; however both types of education
have their downfalls as well as their benefits. I’m here at Coe, so I have obviously chosen the
PWI route; and from my experiences so far I could definitely explain the benefits:

1. Money

Coe college has various benefits, but the most important one to me was money. It is so
expensive to be educated, and though colleges cause so much debt, the career I have a burning
passion for requires a LOT of education. PWIs have higher endowments than HBCUs, meaning
they receive more money/ financial assets. More endowments means that they have the ability
to give out more scholarships. If a college really cares about preparing you for the real world,
they will want to surround you with diversity because the real world is diverse, so they are
willing to give out even more money to people of color because they want us to attend to
increase diversity and add to the environment so that we can see the world from different
perspectives and understand other cultures.

2. Diversity/ Preparation for the Real World

They are called Predominately White Institutions, but people from almost every race attend
these colleges and universities. HBCUs have mostly African American students, so to go to
one would be staying in my comfort zone, seeing that I went to a predominantly African
American high school, and lived in a predominantly African American neighborhood.
Being in a different community than usual has given me an opportunity to have a more open
mind towards opinions and beliefs that I have never had before. Also, regardless of whether I
go to an HBCU or PWI, I will graduate going out into a predominantly Caucasian world with
many different minorities as well; so being at Coe, I have been learning more about different
cultures and opinions than I could in an environment like my neighborhood. This is giving me
the experience with a multitude of people that I will need.

3. First Hand Experience

If you are raised in poverty, then you’ve mostly only been surrounded by people who look like
you. Impoverished neighborhoods are usually segregated and not racially diverse; and as it is
apart of the curriculum, in your classes you learn about all of the problems that happened in
the US, and you learn that most of these terrible things occurred when Europeans came here.
History shapes the Europeans as selfish, lazy, greedy, always using people of color for hard
labor and treating them poorly along the way, and a number of other things. If you are in an
impoverished community, with mostly only people who look like you, chances are you’ve
never actually talked to a Caucasian person in real life, so you look at them as if they are the
exact same terrible people who did everything that you have learned in your history book. If
you have never actually talked to someone in another race, as humans we tend to use
stereotypes; and it is normalized, so most people of color have these negative preconceptions
of Caucasians upon meeting them ourselves. It is fair to say that coming here, this is the first
time that I have been surrounded by so much diversity, and I have only had positive
experiences thus far; so it gives us all a chance to break out of using the stereotypes that
we’ve gotten so comfortable with.

I don’t disagree with Historically Black Colleges/Universities or Predominantly White
Institutions. These are the reasons that I personally made my choice. Here at Coe, I am
thriving so far; and I have no complaints! I couldn’t have made a better decision.

Accomplishments: Start of the Fall Term

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One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. 

~Lucille Ball

It’s almost been three weeks since junior year began. The differences between the summer of 2018 couldn’t be more obvious to me, yet their similarities are just as clear. Though, that’s a story for another time. This is the first of many weekly accomplishment postings for the fall term of 2019. 

Last year, I began my journey to overcome my perfectionism. It was recommended to me by Anxiety Canada’s self-help guide to take the time to think about all the things I’m proud of. I work hard to get all my assignments complete and get the best grades I can, while also handling my officer and sorority duties, and, of course, my job(s). I never thought about my actions for very long in a good light, because I needed to move onto the next. Once I sat down and looked at my calendar, I realized how much I’ve accomplished and felt proud of myself. 

There’s nothing wrong with patting yourself on the back for a hard day’s work. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break when you’re overwhelmed. These may seem like obvious facts of life or common sense, but I simply never thought this way. It’s September already, and I haven’t taken the best care of my mental health. We’re college students, so we have a million responsibilities, but since we do we should definitely take the time to be proud. Since I’m already two weeks behind, I’ll be posting as the stories come, and adding to the list down below. If you did something that made you happy or have pride in yourself this past week, let me know in a comment down below! 

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Helpful Links
Anxiety Canada
Words of Wisdom 4 You: 43 Positive Life Quotes

For more posts about accomplishments, click on the links below:

Fall 2019
August 21 - August 25
August 26 - September 1
September 2 - September 8

Spring 2019

January 14 - January 21
January 22 - January 31
February 1 - February 6
February 7 - February 15

BOTW: April 10th

By: Paige Waskow

The Sun Does Shine:

How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row

By Anthony Ray Hinton

What's it about?

What is it like to be on death row? What is it like to be innocent on death row? What is it like to be a black man, innocent of a crime but convicted for it, and on death row?

Anthony Ray Hinton tells his true story of growing up as a black man in Alabama, being accused of murder, and being sentenced to death. Not only is he completely innocent, but he spends thirty years of his life on death row before getting out. His story recounts the trial, the injustice and inequality of the system, and how he grows in spite of his circumstances. Hinton fully describes the hardship of being on death row and losing so much of his life to it. He speaks of his troubles with belief in God, fear of never seeing his mother again, frequently hearing and smelling men being killed near his cell, and struggling with how to get out. He also describes his incredibly journey in being able to make friends and share his knowledge with fellow men near his cell. He even starts a book club. Although he is in the worst of situations, he is able to serve the people who are on death row through kindness and compassion.

Why did I choose it?

This book affected me so deeply and profoundly. As mentioned above, it is not simply a story of injustice, but also one of strength and growth. Hinton has to face what I can only imagine as one of the most entirely life shattering and deeply horrifying experiences a person can live through. And yet, even after losing it all, he is still able to help other people. It is hard to describe the book without giving too much away, but I promise it is worth the read. I love books that challenge the status quo, and Hinton absolutely does this. But, he does it through love and compassion, which are seemingly impossible from being in the circumstances that he was put through. I highly recommend this book as it will challenge you, probably make you cry (or at least feel some serious emotions), and shares a powerful example about how love wins over racism, privilege, pain, sorrow, and inequality.

Where can you get it?

The Sun Does Shine is available at the Cedar Rapids Public Library (CRPL). You can get a CRPL card anytime for free.

Is there anything else you should know?

A part of the book recounts Hinton's journey to get off death row with help from lawyer Bryan Stevenson. I have written a few posts before mentioning Stevenson, specifically the BOTW post on Just Mercy which he wrote. If you are interested, you can view that post here. Additionally, I highly recommend checking out Stevenson's firm the Equal Justice Initiative (EJI). You can view their website here.

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References

Equal Justice Initiative. EJI. 2019. https://eji.org/

Hinton, Anthony Ray. Hardin, Lara Love. The Sun Does Shine: How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row. St. Martin's Press, 2018.

Fall 2018 Reflection

 

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2018 was the year of independence. I chose to become financially independent by working two part-time jobs here in CR, and when the school year began, I bought my own school supplies. I lived away from home for the first time and missed all the usual family events; I didn’t see my parents again until Family Weekend. My family and friends would both agree (if you asked) that I’m a very independent young woman. I’ve always desired my freedom and staying here in Iowa made the most sense to accomplish that goal. To start, I had plenty of free-time. Too much time means too many possibilities, so I would leave campus to explore the city. The library became my sanctuary, especially when I was looking for a job and wanted to relax in air conditioning (the air in my dorm didn’t work). The job hunt took a few weeks, and during that period I stayed up late to watch tv, slept in, cleaned, and read a lot of books. It was fun to relax, but also boring, so when I finally made it through the interviews, I accepted both jobs.

I knew I needed to continue working through the semester to pay off tuition, so I resigned from an officer position, and left all the clubs I joined (except one). I wish I devoted more time to myself and was able to be less stressed over my financial obligations. I wish I arranged my schedule differently, so I would have more time to study for exams. I wish I kept contact with old friends when the semester began. I wish I did a lot of things differently, but I’m also proud that I handled my obligations the way I did because I really did the best I could do without hindsight. I accomplished most of the short-term goals that I set for myself, and even the big long-term goal of paying for my tuition this semester on my own. I’m so grateful to have such supportive family members and friends and teachers and coworkers to give me the courage to believe in myself. It’s been a great year, and I wish nothing but the best for the future.

Thank you :0)

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