By Paige Waskow
Advocating for yourself can often be really hard. Like, really REALLY difficult. You may have to talk to a boss, a professor you dislike, or a friend who is making you uncomfortable. It may be as simple as asking your roommate to turn off the light at a certain time or as complicated as asking for funding for research. Yet, we need to advocate for ourselves. It is an incredibly helpful skill to have and will help you move forward to do the things you want to do. You will be able to gain confidence and compromise with others, while pursuing your goals and needs. By starting now, you will benefit yourself in future jobs and interactions with people.
Here are three tips and reminders about advocating for yourself:
(In addition, look out for more tips in an additional posts coming soon!)
1. It might be uncomfortable or put you in an awkward position, but that is okay
Standing up for yourself is often uncomfortable. It is an active action and requires stepping out of passivity and not accepting the current situation to ask for what you want. It may not be received well or you may not get the answer you want. The goal is not to change everything to be perfect but to address a particular need or concern. In addition, talking about a problem when it first comes up allows for you to hopefully avoid further complication and make your insight heard.
2. You need to actually do something about it
It is really, incredibly easy to do nothing at all. It is even easier to gossip about a problem and perpetuate how upset you are about it. This may be obvious, but this solves absolutely nothing. If anything, it may make your problem worse. The person may take offense to gossip and make it harder for you and your wants to be acknowledged and taken seriously in the future. It takes courage and uncomfortability to talk to someone, as mentioned above, but it is your best chance at getting an outcome that is favorable to you. Without taking that step, the situation you are in will continue to be the same.
3. Advocating for yourself will get easier with practice and is a learned skill
Small steps:
Although you may and can accomplish a big advocating goal whenever you want to, it is often helpful to get in the practice of starting small. Practice figuring out what you want or what you see a problem with. This is not to say you should always feel the need to address everything, but if you have a legitimate opinion or concern about something, have the conversation. This will help you prepare for the future, become more comfortable talking to others, and build the habit to address a pressing concern.
Small wins and compromise:
Not every conversation will go well or how you want it to. Perhaps your teacher did not understand why you think that their homework assignments are sporadic and do not help you learn. Or maybe, your boss will not change your shift exactly how you want it. This can be extremely frustrating, as we often have one idea of the perfect situation, however, small wins can be a big deal and so can compromise. By creating even that small change, you have changed something. And now, the person you talked to knows it is a concern to you! Your situation will most likely be more in your favor. In addition, remember that you have the right to ask and your concern is legitimate.
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I want to add that this may be particularly difficult for many people in society and in certain situations. There is often a lot of backlash or disregard of importance when a person tries to advocate for themselves. Being a woman, person of color, part of the lgbtqia+ community, physically disabled, pregnant, Muslim (or of another religious group), or having social anxiety can affect how people are treated and viewed when speaking up (and this is not a complete list).This is not to alternate confidence of speaking up but to address that this is a real problem we have in society. The more we address it and talk about it, the better we can support ourselves and others to be more confident in how we advocate for ourselves.
Resources:
Choi, Lily. “How to Advocate for Yourself as a Woman of Color in the Workplace.” How to Advocate for Yourself as a Woman of Color in the Workplace, The Everygirl, 20 June 2018, theeverygirl.com/being-a-woc-in-the-workplace/.
Patel, Deep. “10 Powerful Ways to Stand Up for Yourself in Any Situation.” 10 Powerful Ways to Stand Up for Yourself in Any Situation, SUCCESS, 4 April 2017, www.success.com/10-powerful-ways-to-stand-up-for-yourself-in-any-situation/.
Galinsky, Adam . “How to Speak up for Yourself.” How to Speak up for Yourself, Ideas.ted.com, 17 Feb. 2017, ideas.ted.com/how-to-speak-up-for-yourself/.
McLeod, Lea, Feeling Frustrated? How to Advocate for Yourself at Work. The Muse, 5 July 2013, www.themuse.com/advice/feeling-frustrated-how-to-advocate-for-yourself-at-work.
Nunez, Vivian. “Self-Advocacy Is A Learned Skill.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 17 June 2016, www.forbes.com/sites/viviannunez/2016/06/17/self-advocating-is-a-learned-skill/#13e24f787f14.
