Perfectionism: Overcoming Procrastination

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It’s been a while since I last talked about my battle with perfectionism. As a refresher, I believe that our thoughts and behaviors are intertwined, so while I’ve been altering my perspective I’ve been actively adding new habits (and breaking some old ones). For example, I no longer meticulously count how long it takes me to complete assignments, nor do I stay up past midnight. I’ve set boundaries for myself and others, so I won’t feel as overworked or burdened. I set my alarm to 7:45 instead of 7:15, giving myself a bit more time to sleep and get closer to my eight hour goal. I always take time to reflect on my day and listen to my favorite songs to help boost my mood. Reading Nemesis is a challenge, because I bought You over the weekend, and Ms. Marple has lost her appeal. I bought six books at the library’s book sale and I need to read all of them, eventually. See, I made progress! I won't feel down if I don't finish Nemesis, maybe it's not its time to shine. Today is all about the final tool to overcoming perfectionism: overcoming procrastination. 

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What is procrastination? I’ve spent the past two weeks trying to figure that out, and I’ve discovered that it’s essentially a combination of many factors. Were you hoping for a simple definition? It can simplified, but this definition would be less accurate since we all procrastinate in different ways depending on our underlying issues. According to Procrastination.com, putting things off intentionally or habitually is the meaning of the word I’ve already repeated far too many times. I think the key word is habitually. For example, I always say I’m going to go to the gym and get back the six-pack I had when I was 17, but I never do. I don’t think to myself “I’m going to skip today’s workout so I can waste my time and watch more TV”. I simply allow myself not to do it, every single time. I can make the time to workout, but I don’t. I firmly believe that putting things off intentionally is not inherently procrastinating, since that definition fits laziness perfectly. Laziness is not doing something you know you should be doing, just because you don’t want to (boo hoo). If I had all the time and resources, chose not to handle my responsibilities, and was fine with that I’d be lazy. I’d be committing one of the seven deadly sins (sloth). Later on, the website itself states that procrastination is not laziness, stating that those who procrastinate feel guilt from their actions. Perhaps the fine line between the two is paved with remorse.

Since it’s often easiest to understand procrastination by accepted what it isn’t: laziness or relaxation (Procrastination.com), let's discuss the differences to get a clear picture. I thought that the action of procrastinating was just a nice way to rephrase pure laziness. If someone lacks the motivation to do what they need to do, and doesn’t follow through on their commitments, then they are lazy. I equated this to procrastination, but the two are not the same. Procrastination means to delay. Procrastinators will delay tasks that invoke more anxiety, or are more challenging, in favor of more favorable tasks. The time they could be working on their term paper, they substitute with completing easier assignments or watching YouTube videos. They will eventually write their term paper, but since they delayed its completion the result may be less than satisfactory. Procrastinators are known to say that they work better under pressure, but most sources say the opposite. For example, students who wait until the night before to start a project - or later than they should’ve - typically regret not starting sooner. This concept of guilt and anxiety over actions is what separates the lazy student from the average procrastinator. As you can tell, procrastinating isn't associated with positive emotions in the long run. It's a series of giving into immediate gratification, which doesn't have lasting benefits.

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I didn’t consider myself to be good at relaxing. I mean, I never take naps and I don’t do yoga on Mondays. I knew that I needed more free time in my schedule to help decrease the chances of burnout (still happened), but the question of how to relax always got to me. Somewhere along the way I accepted that I’m doing just fine. The hunt for the perfect relaxation techniques was just another way for my perfectionism to obsess over something. Last week, I realized that I’ve been slacking on my work. It shouldn’t take me so long to finish my homework, and I’ve been easily distracted by my phone. Playing video games, watching TV, going for walks, etc… can all be great ways to alleviate some stress. But once you’re not getting your work done efficiently or you’re feeling stressed that you’re not doing something else, it’s time for change. Practicing patience and delaying gratification can be very helpful when trying to kill bad habits. Waiting until your homework is done to play video games, or being on your phone in short periods during breaks are great starting points.

Psychology Today - a journal with hundreds of articles by psychologists - suggests that perfectionists are often procrastinators. This may seem to be some type of mistake, but it isn’t. Those who set high expectations for themselves have to find ways to alleviate their high anxiety. Perfectionists may be too conscientious and become anxious when they don’t work on many assignments, or they may delay that anxiety for a later date. They could overload their schedules and fill their days with activities (fighting to reach each goal) or they could use these activities as distractions for work they should be getting done. Individuals may become overwhelmed and push things off until the last minute, either intentionally or unintentionally. Similar causes lead to different behaviors depending on the individual and how they handle stress. Too much of anything can be bad, so it’s always better to be somewhere in the middle rather than on two extremes. 

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Do not worry, you are not resigned to your fate to procrastinate; there is always hope. The first step is to see the problem, accept that it is a problem, and decide that you’re going to do something about it. Hopefully, after learning more about procrastination you’ve realized that it’s manageable. Changing your mindset and your behavior takes time (which requires patience) and effort (which requires motivation). In my case, the fear of failure and messing up resulted in me consuming more multimedia than normal as a way to keep my anxiety down. I was accepting immediate reward in exchange for a false sense of security and control. I noticed the change in my behavior and decided to find the answer explaining why I was behaving this way.

I accept that I struggle with relaxing and letting myself off the hook for things outside of my control. When everything felt outside of my control I had no idea how to react. Why couldn’t I work, study, do my homework, fulfill my officer duties, hang out with my friends, reach out to others, and take the time to be alone to recover from the day? Why couldn’t I do all the things I knew I could do if I tried harder? Face it, some things are outside of our control. But, there is always something we can do to make our situations better. Perfectionists, like me, struggle to hold realistic expectations for themselves, so taking things step by step and holding pride in your progress are great ways to steadily change. If you struggle with procrastination and/or perfectionism I encourage you to look through the sites down below and to read my previous Perfectionism posts. As I continue on this journey, I hope that you will continue to see the benefits of taking one step at a time and making a little more progress every day.

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Sources and Helpful Links

Anxiety Canada: Perfectionism Self-Help Guide 

Common Causes: Psychology Today

Procrastination Definition and Examples: Procrastination.com and Psychology Today
Procrastination Myths: The Myth of Working Better Under Pressure

Procrastination vs Laziness: Psychology Today and Success Story.com
Procrastination vs Relaxation: Pick the Brain

Accomplishments: Week 11

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One needs to reflect regularly on their past actions and present endeavors 
to combat isolation, discouragement, and uneasiness.

~Dr Prem Jagyasi

I sat on the bench and watched the leaves fall to my feet. 

A squirrel jumped into a mud pile to grab a nut, which was quickly snatched from its claws by a greedy thief who ran across the path and up a tree. I was lost and confused after the career fair. I knew that I accomplished so much, but I never felt that way before. I would doze off and daydream instead of working on assignments. I would waste time scrolling through social media. I needed to do something, but I didn’t know what, so I sat on that bench and looked towards the sun. Its warmth helped cool my headache. My closest friend came and sat down with me. This was when I realized why I felt so off. 

1. The Clinical Psychology Panel 

To start the week, we had our clinical psychology panel in ACP (Applied Contemporary Psychology). I thought I knew what I wanted to do, at least after graduation: go to grad school, become a lab assistant, help professors with research, move onto a PhD program, write a grand thesis, and get a job at a university, while also being a superhero on the side. As the panelists spoke about their careers, I realized that my priorities were all wrong. There’s no way I could actually plan out the next 10 years of my life right now, I barely know how I’m going to pay my tuition every month. What do I want to do? I want to help people, I want to be able to do research, but there are so many paths that can lead me there. What are my priorities? I want to be able to afford a nice place when I graduate, but I don’t want to work for some business and sit in a cubicle all day. I want everything but I can’t have it all, no one can. I have to make sacrifices, but I’ve already sacrificed so much. What if I sacrificed the wrong things? The effects of the panel didn’t hit me until after the career fair. 

2. The Coe College Career Fair

I prepared for the career fair the moment I received the first email. I signed up and decided that I was going to land myself some LinkedIn connections. I sent C3 my information, so I could have some business cards to pass out, and I picked out my outfit. I knew that I wanted to discover my calling, and was hopeful that all my questions would be answered. I spoke to employers with an open mind, and tried to expose myself to a few for-profit companies to see what they offered. I was immediately drawn to Tanager Place because I biked past the clinic every morning and every night over the summer. The man representing the non-profit was very passionate about his work, and it made me feel more comfortable with my desire to work in the mental health field, focusing on helping children and their families. I was hesitant to believe that I could be strong enough to handle the stress and emotional strain of the field, but I know that I won’t be happy unless I’m helping people. It was decided. This would be a difficult journey, but when has life ever been easy? Then, my worldview was shifted upside down. 

I almost walked past the FBI but saw that they had four representatives in suits, so I stopped and wanted to talk to them. They were already explaining their internship program to another student, so I was able to collect my thoughts and try to think of something to ask. I felt the goosebumps on my arms as they introduced themselves. It was like the tv shows, but real, and I was glad I wore my uncomfortable, classy black shoes. I was left speechless, yet found myself speaking to them like a normal human being. Did you know you can actually be a member of the FBI? I mean really know. With the skills I have, and the skills I want to have, I can help people in ways I never thought possible. As I held the papers, I noticed that my fingers were shaking, and I could barely hold the papers with one hand. I quickly held the edges with both hands, crinkling the corners to give my fingers something to do. Right when I thought I knew what I wanted to do… BAM, I didn’t. There’s a whole world out there. I could have done things differently in the past, which would have resulted in a different life for myself; I may not have become the woman I am today. 

Meeting the representatives of both the Linn County Sheriff’s Department and the Cedar Rapids Police Department widened my perspective even farther, by shifting the force of gravity onto me, rather than simply letting me float away. I have unrealistic expectations of myself, but right there I was grounded in reality, and speaking with women and men who are confident in what they’re doing made me hopeful for my near future. I was moving forward, but had no clue where I was going. Yes, I was completely, utterly lost.

3. Reading Animal Farm in One Sitting

I spent five hours cleaning my room on Friday night. My mom got us Apple Music, so I decided to jam to all of Whitney Houston’s albums. I started three loads of laundry, swept, reorganized my closet and drawers, cleaned my desk, watered my plants, and sang a lot of songs. I let the essential oils spread across to each corner of my room and ate too many granola bars. When all my hard work was complete, I became anxious. I’d put off reading the books I checked out for a few days, and I knew I should’ve finished one of them by then. I went to my secret reading space, and spent the next three hours reading Animal Farm. Most people have read the story already, but I never had to so I didn’t - it didn’t sound appealing to me. Besides, I can appreciate it much more now than I could in my youth. 

4. Moving Again 

I move a lot. I’ve gone between two states (every other weekend) for years, but when I came to Iowa for college I was finally settled. I stayed here for the past two summers because I wanted to be stable. Cedar Rapids has become my home. My mom was moving to Missouri, a place I’ve never visited before, and I wasn’t coming with her. I won’t see the place until Thanksgiving. I was unsure about what my next steps in life should be, since I could now explore a whole new city and be away from CR for a while. Unfortunately, I still have to deal with limitations I do now, such as transportation. I don’t know anything about Missouri or how far our new home is from the major cities and all the opportunities they provide. My family was excited for the move, but I remained indifferent. All the external factors competing with the internal factors for my attention irritated me. What was I supposed to do? 

5. Saying Goodbye

My closest mentor, Crystal Triplett, left Coe on Friday, so I wrote her a letter that I crafted into a card, and delivered it to her before my shift in the Learning Commons. It’s hard to put into words how much you miss someone who’s been such a great addition to your life, and you never expected things to become any different. I decided to try to use social media to share with everyone in the entire world how much I appreciate her. I know that I’ll always have the memories and experiences we shared, and life moves on, but I wasn’t expecting so many changes to happen around me and within me at the same time. 

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There were so many more experiences during this week (September 30 - October 5) - and I deserve many hugs and pats on the back - but once I sat down and allowed time to reflect, these were the most memorable. I had never felt this way before, and didn’t realize how I was being affected by these events. I went through the motions of completing my assignments and making headway to my future career, but I also slowed down and lived in the present moment. I see now that these were amazing feelings and I have control over my life and my future. I can't and won't get everything I want, but now's the time to try. Sometimes I forget that I'm 20. Have you ever experienced a sudden change in mood? How did you get out of your head space and back into the real world? Let me know in the comment section down below.

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Reflection Quotes: Goodreads

Accomplishments: Week 9

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Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action. 

~Benjamin Disraeli 

Do you have days where you just feel happy? For me, that was the week of September 16 to September 22 (a.k.a. last week). When you’re having a good week, you remember things more easily, and I have vivid memories of the adventures I had. 

1. LC Student Staff Retreat

On the 17th, I helped set up for the LC staff retreat. Organizing and arranging notebooks on the tables was enjoyable. I couldn’t let them remain random, everyone needed a fair chance of obtaining each notebook design. I chose a peachy pink notebook with the quote Live, Love, Flowers because it reminds me of the Alpha Gamma Delta motto Loving, Leading, Lasting. All the notebooks were paired with colored pencils, so we could color the pages. Yes, they were coloring book-notebooks. If you love stationary you understand why this was a big deal. I was in charge (until Crystal showed up) and needed to set up the PowerPoint on the computer, but there was no monitor. Surprise, I ran back to my dorm for nothing; the projector was the monitor.

2. Astronomy Homework Session

I love science, but I also hate it and think it’s a waste of time. Why the contradiction? I’m a psychology major. I want to learn more about people and how they [we] work. I’ve been taking STEM since preschool, and I’m over it. There are always things that you can learn in every situation, but it’s tricky when you don’t want to. I love the stars, but astronomy involves a lot of rote memorization and I’ve also sucked at that. I just can’t wrap my head around the moon phases and what each phase looks like on Earth, depending on your right ascension and declination. Our professor called us out on not wanting to think about the lessons, which is a requirement for passing the exams. To help resolve these issues, I met with my friend in the Pub and we held a rant session. Most of the fun with this class is the clever professor (particle physicist) and laughing with your friends.

There were questions on our assignments that we know we never went over in class, and the book was not relevant for the questions. Here’s the thing, I need a lot of discussion and practice with terms for me to remember them. That’s simply not what this class is about.

3. LGBTQA+ Presidential Forum

I got my ticket the moment I received the email about the event. At the CoeVotes session with the presidential candidates team, I learned from everyday citizens why they were supporting their candidate. I had a really great conversation with the Pete Buttigieg team - about things you only understand if you’ve lived in Indiana - and wish I asked for their contact info. The Cory Booker team was by far the most friendly, genuine women I’ve ever seen.. They walked in and smiled at everyone, and were so polite. I had to tell them how awestruck I was. I saw them again the next week, where they registered students to vote. Once again, I wish I was able to get their contact information. Now, I have a working phone, so I just have to wait for the day I see them again.

The line was so long to get into Sinclair, and news reporters flocked to get the latest scoop on the event. With my purple heels, purple long-sleeved t-shirt, and afro-styled hair, I felt very confident that day. Seeing all the candidates in person helped me see them as human beings, and I feel far more comfortable with my position on which candidates appeal to me. I won’t open up that can of worms here, but if you see me at the front desk, we can chat about it.

3. Twist Out and Wash Day

Washing my hair takes an entire day, maybe the entire weekend if I want to properly style it for the week. With all the events and temperature changes, my hair needed some love. I wore it out in an afro-twist out style, so I saved time by not having to take all the twists out. If you see me around campus, more than likely I’m rocking a protective style, and I have it in a ponytail (which damages the hair) to keep it out of my face. I hadn’t let my hair fly free since freshman year. I received more attention than I expected freshman year, and I was very uncomfortable. Our dorms are way too dry for me to wear my hair out frequently, but maybe over the summer I’ll be more adventurous.

4. Early Morning Rising

No more late nights. No more midnight snacks. No more episodes of Queer Eye before bed. I need to get back on a proper sleep schedule, so this past week I began waking up at 7:15 am. I had no choice but to stay up late for my closing shifts, but now I can go to bed before midnight in my fight for eight hours of sleep each night. It’s an attainable goal, but it will take some time. For starters, I’m a light-sleeper and need complete sensory deprivation to get to sleep. I have my eye mask, my earplugs, and my comfy blanket to keep my arms warmer and my feet cooler, so I don’t overheat. Watching tv in the early morn has been great for my stress, because I’m able to ease into the day. When you have a ton of work to complete, going to bed early can be a challenge, but I hope that this new habit will help ease that workload.

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The way the past few weeks have been, I wasn’t hoping for much improvement to my mental health and sanity. I focused on completing my work, and reaped the benefits of my effort. I enjoyed myself and am proud of the decisions I made. There were ups and downs, as always, but I focused on the bright side of things, and feel happier because of it. Even though it was difficult, I allowed myself to be honest about my feelings and my responsibilities so I could keep moving and reach my goals. Have you found your happy medium this semester? Tell me about it in the comment section down below.

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101 Positive Quotes

Accomplishment: Week 8

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Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny. 

~Mahatma Gandhi

Unlike last week, I remember the week of August 9 clearly. Recruitment was over, and I no longer had nightly meetings. Unfortunately, I had a lot of work to catch up on from the weekend, and I had to figure out how to study for the exams coming up. Normally, the first week of school allows you to set the mood for the rest of the semester, but school started on a Wednesday, and recruitment season began immediately after that. I had no time to set my rhythm. I spent the entire week recording how long it took me to complete my homework, and tried to go to bed before 11 pm. Hopefully, you've had better luck with your time management. I was euphoric about having my free time back, but then I got sick. What positives can I come up with when I was feeling so miserable? At least 20, because I learned a lot about how I handle stress and push past my self-doubt and anxiety to reach my goals. For now, here are three challenges I faced during the worst week of my semester, and how I beat them.

1. I lost my voice

Just my luck. All my teachers want to have in-class discussions the day I lose my voice. All of a sudden I'm popular and everyone wants to catch up. I couldn't breath during the night, and woke up gasping for air every half-hour. I didn't fall asleep until 6 am and I used up all my cold medicine. These days were awful, but I was met with kindness and generosity. The library staff gave me cough drops which helped the pain significantly - I could even breath through my nose. I binge drank the blood orange tea my mom bought for me months ago, and had an endless supply of tissues around campus. Everyone was nice and understood that I wasn't in the best of health. Still, I didn't want to feel sorry for myself all day, so I pushed myself to participate in class and spoke in my mumble-grumbled voice. By Friday, I could sleep at night for a few hours, and over the weekend my congestion disappeared. I was physically ill, and people wanted to help me feel better. I didn't let the illness stop me from staying on top of my work, and now I'm reaping the benefits of my sacrifice. 

2. There was no time to get everything done. 

Family Weekend was a blessing when it came, but an anxiety-inducing curse in the days before. I didn't know what to do. I simply did not have enough time in my schedule to finish the work I was given. I didn't want to let myself down, even though my body was telling me to go to bed. I realized that my standards were too high given the situation. I decided to focus on what was due the soonest, and figure out which work to sacrifice before the weekend. Fortunately, I was over-reacting and I was able to finish two assignments after my mom arrived. My Sunday was packed, but I knew that I did my best, and went to bed happy with my decisions. 

3. I was very, very sad

I may seem pessimistic based on the previous three weeks, but I really am an optimist. There are times when situations are more than we can handle, and this was one of them. I wasn't the only one, I think almost everyone was super stressed from sorority and fraternity recruitments, sports, clubs, and other activities. I'm used to cheering other people up, and wasn't sure what to do with myself. I've mentioned before that I may or may not have severe anxiety, but I also may or may not have mild depression - the more you know. These past few weeks only made my mental health worse, and my health was not a priority (I guess that's why I got sick.) I was so happy to see my family again, and introduce my mom to some of my sorority sisters and my boss (Crystal, come to the LC and you'll meet her). It was a huge relief to finally leave campus. The dorms are stifling and I needed to leave.  You'l want a break too when you live here two summers in a row.

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These times are hard, but hard times are all the time depending on your perspective, and I'm glad there are so many people here to help us see the bright side of things.

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101 Positive Quotes

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Family Weekend Mayhem

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The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, 

but of respect and joy in each other’s life.

~Richard Bach

I don't see myself as a homebody, and I tend to make myself comfortable fairly quickly no matter where I am. But, there's something special about being with a group of people who love you unconditionally. Over the weekend, my mother, aunt, and grandma came all the way to Iowa to see me.

This term's been abnormally stressful, and I became sick over the week which made catching up on assignments difficult. Formal recruitment ended, but I still had so much work to do for my officer position. I decided to prioritize my responsibilities to my sorority sisters, over my own well-being. Though I never recommend someone doing this, I felt that I needed to do my best - despite my own ailments - because people depend on me. Naturally, I only became more stressed as my workload increased, and to top it all off my family was coming.

You’d be surprised (maybe not) by how quickly I got over my stress once we left. After spending time with my family, I gained three valuable experiences to help me get through the next week, and hopefully, the rest of the school year.

1. I streamlined my work

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I decided to finish my paper within one hour. If it takes the average woman 30 min to write a paper, it may take me an hour. I spend half of that time debating with myself about whether or not I should start over from scratch. Then, my mom arrived. My family took off work to come and see me. The least I could do was to keep work separate from my personal life. When we got back to my dorm I ranted for… 45 minutes? My mom is more reasonable when it comes to time management, and she told me to just do it. I challenged myself to finish that paper, so we could leave. When I did, I quickly finished another assignment. The solution was so simple, yet I couldn’t bring myself to do it without my mom telling me to. We all need that parental push once in a while. I won’t be spending more time than I need to on assignments anymore. 

2. I stood up to annoying men

We ordered Need Pizza for dinner, but there was no parking, so I hopped into the rain, and went to get our dinner. This really tall man - thin, ugly, and drunk - was harassing people out front. One man walked away and a couple walked inside. This man was blocking the door, so I had to walk past him. This fool had the audacity to say (drunk voice) Girl, you smilin’? You need to smile. How can I put into words how angry I was? He called me a girl AND told me to smile! I gave him the middle finger and pushed past him. I warned the inside staff about him, and pointed him out. When I left the shop, he stumbled to the other side of the sidewalk. He was lucky my mom wasn’t there. 

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He wasn’t the last sicko. After shopping the next day, a man followed behind us in his SUV. Now, this fool, had the nerve to try to intimidate us. He may have road rage, but I have woman rage. He should’ve been prepared for my attitude. We all know those drivers that think they have the right-of-way solely because they’re in a car; he’s one of them. My Grandma walked behind me to shield me from his car, and I looked him in the eyes. He glared at me. I glared at him. He pulled up slowly behind us and followed us into the parking lot of the hotel. 

I stood behind Grandma and put my arms up behind her. He drove to our side and rolled his window down. He was angry, so I talked VERY loudly about how his license plate was easy to remember and how you shouldn’t be a terrible driver if your license plate is so simple. When we got inside, I saw him get out of his car. No one seemed worried, but I was on edge. Later than night I tried to look for his car, to take photos for the police (just in case) but Grandma said she watched him leave hours before that. He was lucky too. 

3. I learned about my preferred aesthetics

We went to Ashley Furniture because my mom needs a couch. I had no clue how expensive furniture can be. The store was divided into themes based on whatever the designer thought looked well together. I love HGTV shows and had the basic idea that I wanted my dream home to be nice. This isn’t good enough. Do I want a whimsical or modern aesthetic? Do I want to feel energized in one room and relaxed in the other? There were many options, and I know that I have plenty of time to experiment with styles before I purchase my first home. Still, it’s never too early to know what you like. 

For starters, giant clocks are the way to go. I don’t know about you, but I want a giant clock in my living room. It’s purposeful and it’s art (apparently). What more can you ask for? I want paintings of trees and fish, and lights that sparkle. Basically, a magical forest with furniture that contains outlets for my electronics. My research this autumn is all about nature immersion and its effects on individuals, so maybe it’s destiny for my house to mimic a nature reserve. 

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At the end of all the amazing memories I've made with the woman in my family, I came back to campus with a clear head and a happy heart. My dorm is my private sanctuary, my sisters and friends are my family, and Coe is my home away from home. I'm not the type of person to become homesick, still, it's nice to know that there are people I can come back to.


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Planet of Success Quotes

Accomplishments: Week 7

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Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.

~Malcolm S. Forbes

This week was honestly a blur. I don’t remember what I ate, how much I slept, or what I did. I know that I completed my assignments (to the best of my ability), and that I probably watched Netflix. Constant stress and massive workloads tend to have this effect on people. Despite this gap in my timeline, I know that I’ve done, at least, three things to be proud of.

1. Labor Day

I spent most of labor day working on homework. The free time meant more time to get stuff done before my nightly meetings. When you have gaps in your schedule what do you fill them with? I’m pretty sure I watched YouTube in the morning. I wanted to relax because the semester was off to a rough start, but I knew I had commitments to keep. I tried to go to work, but the library was closed during my shifts. It was an extra day to complete assignments. 

2. Formal Recruitment

Recruitment was a blast, and I managed to take some good photos, despite the fact that my phone wasn’t working. I talked to many wonderful women and it was great practice for job interviews. I took time to relax and recharge with some tasty pizza, and took advantage of the opportunity to not think about homework. I was surprisingly calm for all three days, and even took a risk during bid day. I put glitter on my arms.. It wasn’t as hard to get off as I expected, so it worked out. 

3. Tutoring Orientation

I chose the 8 am slot and I do not regret my decision. French and Psychology are classes that people need help with, and now I can provide some assistance. Even if I don’t get a lot of requests, I accomplished a dream of mine from freshman year, and that’s enough for me. 

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These may seem like shallow accomplishments, but not everything we do blows our socks off. Take time to reflect on your past, and see if you want to do anything differently. I still can’t remember the week of August 2 very well, but that’s okay. My past self deserves to know that she did good, regardless. 

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14 Love Yourself Quotes

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Accomplishments: Week 6

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It's highly important to be proud of your true self 

before you expect others to be proud of you.

~Edmond Mbiaka

September 1 marked the end of the first week of classes, and I was WAY too busy. I'm not sure why I expected the transition from summer break to sorority recruitment to be smooth, but I am an optimistic woman. This past week almost broke me, but I made it through and now I can tell you why. 

1. I was approved to be a tutor

I've always had good grades, but I have a habit of filling all my free time. This year is different. I told myself to apply to be a tutor and I made time in my schedule so I could do it. I'm not taking French classes this semester, but I can keep up with my lessons by tutoring. If you or someone you know is taking French classes, I am an official tutor now and I want to help you learn the vocab and pronunciations judgement free. 

2. I stayed on top of my homework (mostly)

Meetings every single night can make even the most optimistic irritated and tired, especially since my research had just begun. I was dying. I wanted to die. You get it. I had to play catch up the whole week, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t get ahead. You see, I like to get ahead on my work so that my weekends can remain as open as possible. Professors like to assign a lot of work at once, tests are on the same days, and suddenly all events happen the week you have the least time to get stuff done. From day one my schedule was packed, and I barely had time to go to sleep. Naturally, this made me feel worse, which made it harder to do homework, and yes...I had to do it all over again the following week.

Sacrifices must be made when times are hard, so I decided to stop reading my astronomy textbook. What missed assignments would have the least repercussions? Assignments that you never have to turn in. I managed to finish my other assignments, and had to spend hours on Sunday doing the homework due that night, instead of hanging out with my friends. That's right, you can't avoid all the fallout. 

3. I turned to my friends

I have never been so down on myself. I made my schedule months ago to ensure that I'd have time to get my homework done. I left my job, so I could make the time commitments of my upper-level courses. I spent all summer perfecting my sleep schedule, cycling around town, and playing video games in my free time. Coe completely obliterated my hopes. I'm a strong, independent woman so it's been difficult to ask for help and depend on others. Talking with my friends and professors and staff (anyone who would listen, really) helped me de-stress. All the anxiety was building up too fast, and I couldn't handle it on my own. Count on the people around you. There are always times when you need help.

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We don't always accomplish all of our goals, or meet the standards we set for ourselves; regardless, we must take the time to pat ourselves on the back. If everyone else knows you're amazing, you should too.

Author's Note: TBH, writing this post was a challenge. August 26 to September 1 was probably one of the worst weeks I've had in college. I had too much on my plate, and I couldn't turn away any of it. If you are struggling with your workload or balancing your time, come to the Learning Commons. There are so many people who want to help you succeed academically and can provide a ton of great advice to help you feel more secure with the path that you're on.

Sources

Be Proud of Yourself GoodReads Quote

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Perfectionism: Dismantling Black and White Thinking

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Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough - that we should try again.

~Julia Cameron

The past three weeks have been very hectic. From day one I’ve been bombarded with assignments, meetings, projects, and a host of personal obligations I must meet. I did my best to arrange my schedule in a way that allowed me time to complete my work, and for the most part I've been able to. I am very thankful to my past self for thinking so far ahead. I want to go back to sleep. I want to snuggle and watch cartoons for the rest of the day, and just relax. But, I can get through this, by gradually changing how I see this situation. 

I have a tendency to think in extremes. I'll either ace this test or fail, and I'll be successful or I won't, are all common thoughts that pop up throughout the day. The problem with this way of thinking is that the world is not black and white. It takes practice to break habits, but using Anxiety Canada's self-help guide How to Overcome Perfection I've made amazing progress these past 10 months. 

I have severe, high-functioning anxiety - according to a mood assessment- but, this is not a character trait of mine, nor does it define me. It does, however, help explain the behavior that I want to change. I am very critical of myself, and hold high standards that I expect to meet. If I don’t get an A in the class, I feel as if I’ve failed at something important, when I haven’t. I do not easily see a standard as unreasonable or unattainable. This makes it difficult for me to accept when I make mistakes, because I have a bar that I must meet. This is where compromising comes in. 

No one enjoys compromising with others. We all want things to work out in our favor, but it’s a fact of life that we have to. As a perfectionist, I need to be able to allow myself to make mistakes. Anxiety Canada recommends gradually adjusting what I tolerate, so that I don’t make myself more anxious. Let’s work through an example:

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You spent over six hours in one night working on your ceramics project for your next class. You’ve been keeping up with the blog posting assignment, and had a lot of fun staying up late with your classmates making all your pieces. During the presentation, the teacher comments on how your piece isn’t functional and your classmates explained how they didn’t understand the theme you were going for. You really loved your piece, and your friends did too, but some critiques were harsher than others and your feelings were hurt. You felt that they were attacking you personally. At the end of class you decide to toss your work. If it wasn’t good enough when it counted, it wasn’t good enough at all. 

This situation could have been handled better and since hindsight is 20/20 it’s easy to see how, but, for now, here’s one more example. 

Finals week is over, your teacher and classmates loved your blog and your final pieces. You planned, designed, and attached a lot of emotions to your work, especially since others praised you for it. It’s time to decide what will be tossed. You see the pieces that passed your original criteria, but failed after the glazing didn’t turn out as well as you expected. Can you guess how this situation was handled? 

This was me when I was a Freshman. After finals week, I wanted to toss all my flawed pieces, but my best friend encouraged me not to. It wasn’t a fun conversation, as I had immediately made up my mind that they were trash, but he insisted that there was nothing wrong with them. He even said they’d make great flower pots. For every reason he gave, I explained why he was wrong, and why I was right. But, in the end, he convinced me. 

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Learning to compromise is a never-ending process, and when I began reflecting on my habits, I become more critical of myself. Today was a good day, because I cried to my friends and opened up to others. I talked about all my stress and worries and feeling that I will never get my work done. Turns out a lot of people feel the same way, and I’m not alone in my battle against these negative thoughts and emotions. We’re in our fourth week of school and I already feel like I’m falling apart, but I know that the severity of these issues is all in my head. I believe in myself and I have people who believe in me too. 

I know that I’ve already made a lot of progress this semester, but I have more work to do. This week, in my effort to create attainable goals for myself, I will open up to my family about my obligations and the stress I’ve been feeling. Family Weekend begins Friday, and I try not to make my family worry about me. But, I am an adult, and I have no reason to hide my struggles from the people who care about me.

There are too many assignments to complete before Monday, but I want to spend as much time with my family as I can, so I will make sacrifices. This is my first step in compromising. You can’t do everything, you can’t have everything, you have to prioritize and make plans to reach those higher-ranking goals. Recruitment just ended, but there is still so much I must do in my officer position. However, my position cannot maintain a top position in the long-term, as my research is my higher priority. Still, I value my mental and physical health, and cannot allow myself to burn out. At this time, all three are vying for the top spot in my hierarchy, which is why I feel overwhelmed. I cannot put this off any longer and have decided that my ranking for this week is:

1. Spending time with my family
2. Completing my assignments
3. Completing officer obligations

Although my sleep and cleanliness of my dorm will take a hit, I must stay on top of my work. This weekend, I will be with my family, and they will be more than enough as a reward for my hard work.

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Sources
Anxiety Canada Bx: Perfectionism Guide 
Julia Cameron Quotes: AZ Quotes

If you're new to the LC Blog, check out my previous posts about perfectionism down below:
Perfectionism
Perfectionism: Acceptance and Action
Perfectionism: Changing My Perspective
Perfectionism: Seeing the Big Picture

Accomplishments: Week 5

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All your life, other people will try to take your accomplishments away from you. 
Don't you take it away from yourself.
~ Michael Crichton, The Lost World

Are you excited to be back at school? How about starting your first year? Really, just me? That’s fine, I’m used to that reaction, but I do think there are many reasons to be happy that we’re here. I’m a Junior now, so I have some experience to back me up. This past summer I worked in the Advancement Office, right across the street from Voho, in McCabe Hall, as well as the downtown Jimmy John’s. I volunteered with Dogs Forever by the Kernels Stadium and played Sims 4 in my free time. I can say with 100% confidence that most of you would never choose to stay on campus over the summer, especially not for two years in a row. Sorry for being unique. All jokes aside, living away from home has been beneficial to me and I believe I’ve made the best decision for my life and career. It’s important to reflect on our past decisions, as well as the ones we’re currently making, and as college students - a.k.a. adults - it’s often necessary. 

Keep a journal, an internet diary, a collection of note cards, or a series of emails to remind yourself about what you’re proud of this past week. Don’t shake your head and claim that you’ve done nothing, because that’s not true. If you woke up this morning, took a well-deserved nap, or stayed up until 4 am completing an assignment you’ve done something to be proud of. From your past actions, think about your current decisions. Did you sign up for something you know you don’t want to do? Did you spend hours playing video games when you need help with your resume? Are you hesitating to apply for that internship you want? You’ve already done so much, so use it as fuel to power you to accomplish your goals. What have I accomplished, you ask?

1. I went out with my friend

We've only had three days of classes, but my professors already assigned a mountain of homework. I spent most of Thursday completing my Personality notes, and while I was sitting in my secret study spot, my friend invited me to go to Scooter’s. I don’t like coffee, but it was a nice day, and I wanted to catch up with her. We talked about our summer and plans for the school year, and later that night we went to the SAC carnival. We spent our entire time in a line, but it was worth it. The man spelled Macaroni with wire and made two different macaroni shapes as decoration. I originally wanted potato salad but there was a two-word minimum. I'm forever grateful to that man for taking my request seriously, since I was very serious.

2. I chose to be number 8

I am a member of Alpha Gamma Delta, and on Saturday we had our sisterhood photo shoot. We laughed and did silly poses, you know, the usual. At the end we decided to take some photos for our countdown to recruitment. Everyone shouted out random numbers, so I declared that I would be the number eight. Even though I was nervous, I did it anyway. I can be surprisingly shy, at times, but I followed through on what I wanted to do, and I’m very proud of myself. 

3. I celebrated Kohaku’s 3-month Anniversary

I kept my plant alive for three months now, which is longer than I expected. I’ve had plants since Freshman year, and when I moved into Murray they flourished. When I moved into Voorhees, they all died. I was very angry about the deaths of my plants, but over the summer I impulsively decided to buy another one. I named my light-green colored Peperomia Kohaku after an anime character whose name means leaf. He loved his new home. I tried hard to take him with me when I went to work so he could get sunlight, and when it turned out that the sun burns his leaves, I left him in the shade. There were times when his leaves had brown spots or a bug would try to hide in his soil, but together we persevered. 

As you can see, you don’t have to save the planet from an alien invasion to be amazing or have accomplished something amazing. Your perspective defines how you interpret your actions, so I encourage you to be a little more optimistic and be proud of yourself. If you’ve done something that you’re proud of this week, let me know in the comment section below.

Author's Note

I began these posts last winter after my 20th birthday, and tried to write as often as possible. Although I didn't keep up my original weekly goal, I know I did my best and will continue to push myself to share pieces of my life with you. Today is September 5, but these events occurred during the week of August 21 - August 25. 

Helpful Links

Psychology Today: Quotes on Pride 

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Accomplishments: Start of the Fall Term

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One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. 

~Lucille Ball

It’s almost been three weeks since junior year began. The differences between the summer of 2018 couldn’t be more obvious to me, yet their similarities are just as clear. Though, that’s a story for another time. This is the first of many weekly accomplishment postings for the fall term of 2019. 

Last year, I began my journey to overcome my perfectionism. It was recommended to me by Anxiety Canada’s self-help guide to take the time to think about all the things I’m proud of. I work hard to get all my assignments complete and get the best grades I can, while also handling my officer and sorority duties, and, of course, my job(s). I never thought about my actions for very long in a good light, because I needed to move onto the next. Once I sat down and looked at my calendar, I realized how much I’ve accomplished and felt proud of myself. 

There’s nothing wrong with patting yourself on the back for a hard day’s work. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break when you’re overwhelmed. These may seem like obvious facts of life or common sense, but I simply never thought this way. It’s September already, and I haven’t taken the best care of my mental health. We’re college students, so we have a million responsibilities, but since we do we should definitely take the time to be proud. Since I’m already two weeks behind, I’ll be posting as the stories come, and adding to the list down below. If you did something that made you happy or have pride in yourself this past week, let me know in a comment down below! 

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Helpful Links
Anxiety Canada
Words of Wisdom 4 You: 43 Positive Life Quotes

For more posts about accomplishments, click on the links below:

Fall 2019
August 21 - August 25
August 26 - September 1
September 2 - September 8

Spring 2019

January 14 - January 21
January 22 - January 31
February 1 - February 6
February 7 - February 15

Perfectionism: Seeing the Big Picture

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It's been a while since I last posted, but this is college.

We left on the topic of perspective shaping, and how important it is to look at a situation from not only your anxious, Type A, "gotta be the best" mindset, but from your friends, family, and other respected peoples' viewpoints. Perfectionists have the bad habit of agonizing over the smallest of details and letting it take priority when it shouldn't. For example, I used to try to do my French homework by reading through all the texts (to see if I understand it), highlighting words I don't know, and re-reading it with the proper translation (if there is such a thing). This process took all day, and no one needs to spend five to six hours on one assignment.

That's right, this wasn't a study session but ONE ASSIGNMENT. In fact, all of the assignments are like this. They can be overwhelmingly time consuming, and stress-inducing since I have other classes that are equally as important. Realizing this, I've changed my strategy. These texts are long, and the goal isn't to understand each word, but to get this gist of what's going on. My last big assignment was finished in about three hours, so...progress?

Last semester, I wouldn’t have been able to convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me if I can’t read a foreign language perfectly. Now, I can see my obstacles through the eyes of the people that care about me, and I know I’m doing just fine. What are other ways I’ve practiced these new ways of thinking? Just last week I had my first Stats exam, but I took longer on the problems than I expected. Exams are timed, in that you only have as much time as the class period, but I want my answers to be right before I move onto the next. I had to rush, and in the last 20 minutes I finished more questions than the first 30. I grumbled for the whole 50 minutes -confusing and worrying my professor - about how slow I was moving. I wasn’t hard on myself, like I usually am. After all, I did the best I could do. I could hear a few of my sisters say, "at least you finished it".

The focus of this week is “Big Picture Thinking”. When I’m worried about something, I will take into account ALL of my other priorities and goals, and compare them to each other. One side of the scale can be my desire to complete my French, comprehending every single word, while the other side is my overarching goal of completing my other homework assignments on time, as well. Let’s work through Anxiety Canada’s tools with a more recent (non-homework related) example.

There is a beautiful sweatshirt I want, because it’s cute and all of my friends are getting one. I just received my paycheck, but I need to pay the school, and my next paycheck isn’t for another two weeks.

Here’s what I did: I weighed my options. There was a T-shirt option for $10 less and a Long-Sleeved option for $3 less (which I dismissed, obviously). I decided that if I was going to spend money I would get the one I want, the sweatshirt. I created a budget to see how much financial trouble I’d be in if I bought the sweatshirt, and realized that budgets are hard to make. I paid the school half of the money I owed and continued from there. The money needed to be paid in cash, but I needed a ride to the bank. [As you can guess, the obstacles continued from there.] No one was going to give me a ride, so I made a new plan to have someone else buy it and I pay them back through Venmo. It was settled, but I honestly didn’t want to spend money on a sweatshirt. I forgot about it over the weekend, and when I double-checked with the person I made the agreement with, they forgot too. It was destiny.

Here’s what I could’ve done:

Does it really matter? Does it really matter that everyone else is buying it? It’s my money that I’ve earned, plus I have other financial obligations. Does it really matter whether I get the sweatshirt? Yes, there’s no point if it isn’t the sweatshirt. Winter is for sweatshirts and I already have too many T-shirts. Does it really matter that I get this sweatshirt? The design is cute, but the only color option was black, even though the T-shirt had six options. The blue or the beige would look better on me.

What is the worst that could happen?
If I don’t buy the sweatshirt, I’ll have that money in the bank, and when I get my next paycheck I’ll be able to pay the school more. If I buy the sweatshirt, I’ll have a sweatshirt, but not the money, and I like having money. Believing that I won't be considered part of the group weighed on my mind, but I know this is not true. No one cares.

If the worst does happen, can I survive it?
The cost of the sweatshirt could be the exact amount I need to finish my payment to the school. I could get the amount from a relative, but I’d feel guilty since I’d rather ask them for money for something cute that they could see me wear and say "is that the sweater I bought you? Man, I have good taste".

Will this still matter tomorrow? How about next week? Next year?
No. I don’t think I want it anymore.

As you see, one process took days and brought unnecessary stress with it. The other lead me to the same conclusion, but without the headache. This is “Big Picture Thinking”, and I believe this concept will make weeks leading up to Spring Break much more productive.

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Sources
https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf 

Perfectionism: Changing My Perspective

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Last week I focused on thinking realistically and not placing unreasonable expectations on myself through encouragement. Instead of my typical working one million things into my already limited schedule, I took things one step at a time. To moderate my anxiety towards “failing” my French homework - by not understanding the text perfectly when reading it - I focused on my psychology and catching up on the readings while planning new ways to study the information. There was a bit of procrastination since I decided to research careers in psychology, master’s degree programs, and Ph. D programs, but I got back on track and completed my assignments. I am not a failure for doing the homework I consider easier first, nor am I in the wrong for taking the breaks I needed to take to relax and calm myself.

This week, my goal is to alter my perspective. Perfectionists tend to think in the extreme (perfect or failure, beautiful or ugly, lazy or hard-working) which can be counterproductive and cause us to procrastinate out of fear of not meeting the expectations we believe others have for us. Changing my take on events will allow me to see the reality others see and better handle stressful situations. First, I will picture how my closest friends and family would treat an obstacle. Next, I’ll try to come up with other explanations for why I was unable to do something, and whether I should even believe I should. Finally, I will follow my own advice. You see, I give advice to people I want to help but I don’t follow it; this time I will do as I advise others to do.

This will be difficult because I enjoy pushing myself to my limits, but I’ve learned that I push too hard and need to treat myself better. Just today, my professor asked for our reflections on the reading, but I didn’t have it. I read the article, spoke about the article, participated in class as usual, but forgot to write a reflection. Maybe my exhaustion helped, but I didn’t panic. After class I told her I’d do better and she wished me luck. Progress!

I hope you enjoyed my second update, make sure to read next week’s post to see how well I’ve done at following Anxiety Canada’s advice.

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Sources

https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf

Perfectionism: Acceptance and Action

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Habits that have leveled up over time are hard to give up especially since we worked so hard to get where we are, but when these habits cause anxiety it’s game over. Psychology Today is one of my favorite websites, because when I ask Google questions psychologists answer them. I’ve considered myself a perfectionist my entire life (starting as a baby) but once the workload became too heavy and my moral was challenged I started to see this as a problem. To help you understand how the behaviors of perfectionists differ from those who are not I recommend reading this article by Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo 9 Signs That You Might Be a Perfectionist. I resonated with all nine signs, in case you’re curious.

Last month I decided to start over and work through my perfectionism one step at a time through Anxiety BC. Currently known as Anxiety Canada, this nonprofit aims to help people of all ages overcome their anxiety and create happier lives for themselves. Using a free pdf created to educate and help those with perfectionism I will set a weekly goal following their advice and research, and hopefully I will gain healthier control over my mental health.

~The best way to start a habit is to start it the day you decide which habit to start

Though not the most poetic quote, this is the advice I tell others, and the advice I live by. As of today (Wednesday 16, 2019) I will follow the steps they provide and post weekly updates every Wednesday. So, let’s begin.

Tool #1: Changing Perfectionist Thinking

Step #1: Realistic Thinking
According to Anxiety BC the first step is to change my mindset towards my behavior and my standards. I need to think in positive terms that are not critical, or sarcastic, and helpful to accomplishing my goals. I’ve been practicing being more realistic with myself since I first read the article, and my goals have indeed become less broad and overwhelming. I have a lot of responsibilities, but I know not to overload myself and to stop trying to do one million things at once.

For example, yesterday I felt anxious because I received my syllabi and realized the amount of work I need to put into my classes to get straight As. I was purchasing textbooks are realized how costly they are, while researching proper materials to care for succulents in the winter; it was also my birthday. I napped on my desk for a half hour, and munched on baby carrots to sooth my grinding teeth. The month-long vacation was wondrous, and the concept of becoming stressed in the coming days made me stressed, I felt the weight of all of my future responsibilities at once. I took many deep breaths and wrote out on my whiteboard what tasks I felt I needed to complete first - which was all of them. I then took quite a few more deep breaths and wrote what I absolutely, positively had to get done by today (Wednesday), and finally I was able to breath properly. I went to dinner with my best friend and yoga with my squirrel sister. All the tasks I wanted to get done ASAP, I pushed to different days. Changing the ways I describe the necessity of activities has helped me create realistic goals.

For today I will focus on positive, realistic thinking and motivate myself to take things one step at a time and not worry too much about the overall outcome. For example, my goal is not to earn straight As, but rather to learn the material the best I can and maintain my current GPA. If I get straight As, yay, if not my world will not crumble and no one will be disappointed in me, including, myself. 

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my thought processes and my struggle with setting far too high expectations for myself. Maybe you can see a bit of yourself in me. Next week, I’ll update you on my progression, so see you next time!

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Helpful Hints
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/better-perfect/201611/9-signs-you-might-be-perfectionist
https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf
https://www.anxietycanada.com/

Perfectionism

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I have a problem. I do everything in my power to complete all my tasks on time in an orderly, efficient manner, yet when I accomplish my goals I still feel like a failure. I know I'm a hard-worker, but it's hard to admit when I'm too hard on myself. My schedule fits all of my classes, work, and extracurricular activities. When there's overlap, I've managed to remain committed. My grades are good, my friends are true, and people tell me my future is bright and golden. But, I'm overwhelmed and feel that I have no time for relaxation, rest, or proper exercise. I feel obligated to do everything, even when I know I have no such obligations. This is perfectionism.

Being a perfectionist is typically considered good, since the overachievers make straight As and Bs, win awards and trophies, and tend to have a strong work-ethic. Alongside these positives are many negatives - often ignored in the mainstream media - gaining momentum in the scientific community. When researching how my personal feelings towards my accomplishments could differ so drastically from those around me, Dr. Brene Brown's quote from GoodTherapy spoke to me. She said, "Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfection is not about healthy achievement and growth." This was my wake-up call.

I wanted to write about all the things I've learned since coming to college so that my readers could find something useful to apply to their lives. I've made a lot of mistakes, and learn something new and valuable every day, but I've also accomplished so much. This series will be for those who struggle to see the beauty in their present because of a few splotches on the painting of their past, and are frozen in place for fear of ruining their current canvas.

Sources

Benson, Etienne. "The many faces of perfectionism." Vol. 34. 10. November 2003. 18. Web. 3 December 2018. <https://www.apa.org/monitor/nov03/manyfaces.aspx>

Excellence. "Collins Dictionary.com" Collins Dictionary, 2018. Web. 3 Dec 2018.

Perfectionism. 3 August 2018. Web. 29 November 2018. <https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/perfectionism>.

Perfectionist. "Collins Dictionary.com" Collins Dictionary, 2018. Web. 3 Dec 2018.