By Paige Waskow
There are many parts to advocating for yourself, and as the last post mentioned, being uncomfortable, actually doing something, and learning to stand up for yourself, are all key aspects. But what else can you do? Check out more advocating tips below to strengthen your methodology and confidence! In addition, look out for a summarized info graphic (of both advocating posts) coming soon.
1. Practice beforehand
Going into a conversation, you want to know what you are going to say and how you are going to present a concern. A great way to do that is to talk to a friend, classmate, or even yourself to make sure that you are ready to talk, especially if you are nervous. Just like studying helps you remember things, talking and having a plan is a great way to have confidence.
2. Know what you want before you talk
Expanding on the point above, it is beneficial to know exactly what you want before you have a conversation. This clarity will help you avoid stumbling around and missing the actual point you originally wanted to make. As an article from The Muse states:
"She and I then framed those points in a way that would show how these issues, when resolved, would help her team, her manager, and the entire organization. By leveraging your talking points this way, you can effectively turn what may sound like complaints into something much more positive for everyone on your team," (McLeod 2018).
Although this is specific to a workplace environment and employee, it is applicable to most situations. Preparation, understanding what you really want in the conversation, and practice allow for a better outcome. It can be helpful to think about how someone might respond. For example, you may ask your professor for more time on assignments. Of course, this could be answered in a multitude of ways, but you may expect that you professor would be hesitant to do so without legitimate reasoning. In this case, preparing why you feel that there should be more time for assignments helps make your request stronger and more likely to be considered.
3. Have someone accountable for your actions
It is always good to have support! Having someone keep you accountable for standing up for yourself is incredibly important. It will help you actually do the thing you set out to do and remember your goals. This could be anything from asking them to ask you how a conversation went or reminding you over text as a way to motivate yourself to do it. Often, when we are confronted with something uncomfortable, we immediately believe ourselves to be entirely alone. But this is not true and having someone on your side supporting you makes you more confident and eager to do so.
4. Keep a list of ways that you stood up for yourself
Okay, this may seem weird, but keep a list! It can help you remember what you have accomplished and why it meant a lot to you. You can use the list to motivate yourself and be a source of confidence for future events.
5. You may be helping others!
Especially if this is a widespread issue, you are advocating for others as well. Like the saying that when you have a question in class, someone else is wondering the same thing, if something is bothering you in a group situation, it is probably bothering someone else too. Often in society, we convince ourselves that our issues are not shared and therefore not important. If you struggle with this, remember that we are not as polarized and independent as we believe. In addition, it is always important to advocate for yourself, even if you are the only person who wants change.
6. Remember the other person
Although you should be assertive in what you want and need, be aware of the person you are talking to and their experience. Mostly, this revolves around reminding yourself of the following:
- People are not mind-readers, and may have no idea what they are doing or how something is working is unfavorable to you. If they did not know beforehand, it does not mean they do not care.
- Most people are willing to listen and understand why you are advocating for yourself. Respecting someone else when going into a conversation is crucial to its success.
- How you come across is important. Complaining to or blaming someone will not get you the most favorable outcome (this is why you should plan your points ahead of time and practice!)
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I want to add that this may be particularly difficult for many people in society and in certain situations. There is often a lot of backlash or disregard of importance when a person tries to advocate for themselves. Being a woman, person of color, part of the lgbtqia+ community, physically disabled, pregnant, Muslim (or of another religious group), or having social anxiety can affect how people are treated and viewed when speaking up (and this is not a complete list).This is not to alternate confidence of speaking up but to address that this is a real problem we have in society. The more we address it and talk about it, the better we can support ourselves and others to be more confident in how we advocate for ourselves.
Resources:
Choi, Lily. “How to Advocate for Yourself as a Woman of Color in the Workplace.” How to Advocate for Yourself as a Woman of Color in the Workplace, The Everygirl, 20 June 2018, theeverygirl.com/being-a-woc-in-the-workplace/.
Galinsky, Adam . “How to Speak up for Yourself.” How to Speak up for Yourself, Ideas.ted.com, 17 Feb. 2017, ideas.ted.com/how-to-speak-up-for-yourself/.
McLeod, Lea, Feeling Frustrated? How to Advocate for Yourself at Work. The Muse, 5 July 2013, www.themuse.com/advice/feeling-frustrated-how-to-advocate-for-yourself-at-work.
Nunez, Vivian. “Self-Advocacy Is A Learned Skill.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 17 June 2016, www.forbes.com/sites/viviannunez/2016/06/17/self-advocating-is-a-learned-skill/#13e24f787f14.
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