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We left on the topic of perspective shaping, and how important it is to look at a situation from not only your anxious, Type A, "gotta be the best" mindset, but from your friends, family, and other respected peoples' viewpoints. Perfectionists have the bad habit of agonizing over the smallest of details and letting it take priority when it shouldn't. For example, I used to try to do my French homework by reading through all the texts (to see if I understand it), highlighting words I don't know, and re-reading it with the proper translation (if there is such a thing). This process took all day, and no one needs to spend five to six hours on one assignment.
That's right, this wasn't a study session but ONE ASSIGNMENT. In fact, all of the assignments are like this. They can be overwhelmingly time consuming, and stress-inducing since I have other classes that are equally as important. Realizing this, I've changed my strategy. These texts are long, and the goal isn't to understand each word, but to get this gist of what's going on. My last big assignment was finished in about three hours, so...progress?
Last semester, I wouldn’t have been able to convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me if I can’t read a foreign language perfectly. Now, I can see my obstacles through the eyes of the people that care about me, and I know I’m doing just fine. What are other ways I’ve practiced these new ways of thinking? Just last week I had my first Stats exam, but I took longer on the problems than I expected. Exams are timed, in that you only have as much time as the class period, but I want my answers to be right before I move onto the next. I had to rush, and in the last 20 minutes I finished more questions than the first 30. I grumbled for the whole 50 minutes -confusing and worrying my professor - about how slow I was moving. I wasn’t hard on myself, like I usually am. After all, I did the best I could do. I could hear a few of my sisters say, "at least you finished it".
The focus of this week is “Big Picture Thinking”. When I’m worried about something, I will take into account ALL of my other priorities and goals, and compare them to each other. One side of the scale can be my desire to complete my French, comprehending every single word, while the other side is my overarching goal of completing my other homework assignments on time, as well. Let’s work through Anxiety Canada’s tools with a more recent (non-homework related) example.
There is a beautiful sweatshirt I want, because it’s cute and all of my friends are getting one. I just received my paycheck, but I need to pay the school, and my next paycheck isn’t for another two weeks.
Here’s what I did: I weighed my options. There was a T-shirt option for $10 less and a Long-Sleeved option for $3 less (which I dismissed, obviously). I decided that if I was going to spend money I would get the one I want, the sweatshirt. I created a budget to see how much financial trouble I’d be in if I bought the sweatshirt, and realized that budgets are hard to make. I paid the school half of the money I owed and continued from there. The money needed to be paid in cash, but I needed a ride to the bank. [As you can guess, the obstacles continued from there.] No one was going to give me a ride, so I made a new plan to have someone else buy it and I pay them back through Venmo. It was settled, but I honestly didn’t want to spend money on a sweatshirt. I forgot about it over the weekend, and when I double-checked with the person I made the agreement with, they forgot too. It was destiny.
Here’s what I could’ve done:
That's right, this wasn't a study session but ONE ASSIGNMENT. In fact, all of the assignments are like this. They can be overwhelmingly time consuming, and stress-inducing since I have other classes that are equally as important. Realizing this, I've changed my strategy. These texts are long, and the goal isn't to understand each word, but to get this gist of what's going on. My last big assignment was finished in about three hours, so...progress?
Last semester, I wouldn’t have been able to convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me if I can’t read a foreign language perfectly. Now, I can see my obstacles through the eyes of the people that care about me, and I know I’m doing just fine. What are other ways I’ve practiced these new ways of thinking? Just last week I had my first Stats exam, but I took longer on the problems than I expected. Exams are timed, in that you only have as much time as the class period, but I want my answers to be right before I move onto the next. I had to rush, and in the last 20 minutes I finished more questions than the first 30. I grumbled for the whole 50 minutes -confusing and worrying my professor - about how slow I was moving. I wasn’t hard on myself, like I usually am. After all, I did the best I could do. I could hear a few of my sisters say, "at least you finished it".
The focus of this week is “Big Picture Thinking”. When I’m worried about something, I will take into account ALL of my other priorities and goals, and compare them to each other. One side of the scale can be my desire to complete my French, comprehending every single word, while the other side is my overarching goal of completing my other homework assignments on time, as well. Let’s work through Anxiety Canada’s tools with a more recent (non-homework related) example.
There is a beautiful sweatshirt I want, because it’s cute and all of my friends are getting one. I just received my paycheck, but I need to pay the school, and my next paycheck isn’t for another two weeks.
Here’s what I did: I weighed my options. There was a T-shirt option for $10 less and a Long-Sleeved option for $3 less (which I dismissed, obviously). I decided that if I was going to spend money I would get the one I want, the sweatshirt. I created a budget to see how much financial trouble I’d be in if I bought the sweatshirt, and realized that budgets are hard to make. I paid the school half of the money I owed and continued from there. The money needed to be paid in cash, but I needed a ride to the bank. [As you can guess, the obstacles continued from there.] No one was going to give me a ride, so I made a new plan to have someone else buy it and I pay them back through Venmo. It was settled, but I honestly didn’t want to spend money on a sweatshirt. I forgot about it over the weekend, and when I double-checked with the person I made the agreement with, they forgot too. It was destiny.
Here’s what I could’ve done:
Does it really matter? Does it really matter that everyone else is buying it? It’s my money that I’ve earned, plus I have other financial obligations. Does it really matter whether I get the sweatshirt? Yes, there’s no point if it isn’t the sweatshirt. Winter is for sweatshirts and I already have too many T-shirts. Does it really matter that I get this sweatshirt? The design is cute, but the only color option was black, even though the T-shirt had six options. The blue or the beige would look better on me.
What is the worst that could happen?
If I don’t buy the sweatshirt, I’ll have that money in the bank, and when I get my next paycheck I’ll be able to pay the school more. If I buy the sweatshirt, I’ll have a sweatshirt, but not the money, and I like having money. Believing that I won't be considered part of the group weighed on my mind, but I know this is not true. No one cares.
If the worst does happen, can I survive it?
The cost of the sweatshirt could be the exact amount I need to finish my payment to the school. I could get the amount from a relative, but I’d feel guilty since I’d rather ask them for money for something cute that they could see me wear and say "is that the sweater I bought you? Man, I have good taste".
Will this still matter tomorrow? How about next week? Next year?
No. I don’t think I want it anymore.
As you see, one process took days and brought unnecessary stress with it. The other lead me to the same conclusion, but without the headache. This is “Big Picture Thinking”, and I believe this concept will make weeks leading up to Spring Break much more productive.
Sources
https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf
What is the worst that could happen?
If I don’t buy the sweatshirt, I’ll have that money in the bank, and when I get my next paycheck I’ll be able to pay the school more. If I buy the sweatshirt, I’ll have a sweatshirt, but not the money, and I like having money. Believing that I won't be considered part of the group weighed on my mind, but I know this is not true. No one cares.
If the worst does happen, can I survive it?
The cost of the sweatshirt could be the exact amount I need to finish my payment to the school. I could get the amount from a relative, but I’d feel guilty since I’d rather ask them for money for something cute that they could see me wear and say "is that the sweater I bought you? Man, I have good taste".
Will this still matter tomorrow? How about next week? Next year?
No. I don’t think I want it anymore.
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Sources
https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf
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