Perfectionism: Acceptance and Action

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Habits that have leveled up over time are hard to give up especially since we worked so hard to get where we are, but when these habits cause anxiety it’s game over. Psychology Today is one of my favorite websites, because when I ask Google questions psychologists answer them. I’ve considered myself a perfectionist my entire life (starting as a baby) but once the workload became too heavy and my moral was challenged I started to see this as a problem. To help you understand how the behaviors of perfectionists differ from those who are not I recommend reading this article by Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo 9 Signs That You Might Be a Perfectionist. I resonated with all nine signs, in case you’re curious.

Last month I decided to start over and work through my perfectionism one step at a time through Anxiety BC. Currently known as Anxiety Canada, this nonprofit aims to help people of all ages overcome their anxiety and create happier lives for themselves. Using a free pdf created to educate and help those with perfectionism I will set a weekly goal following their advice and research, and hopefully I will gain healthier control over my mental health.

~The best way to start a habit is to start it the day you decide which habit to start

Though not the most poetic quote, this is the advice I tell others, and the advice I live by. As of today (Wednesday 16, 2019) I will follow the steps they provide and post weekly updates every Wednesday. So, let’s begin.

Tool #1: Changing Perfectionist Thinking

Step #1: Realistic Thinking

According to Anxiety BC the first step is to change my mindset towards my behavior and my standards. I need to think in positive terms that are not critical, or sarcastic, and helpful to accomplishing my goals. I’ve been practicing being more realistic with myself since I first read the article, and my goals have indeed become less broad and overwhelming. I have a lot of responsibilities, but I know not to overload myself and to stop trying to do one million things at once.

For example, yesterday I felt anxious because I received my syllabi and realized the amount of work I need to put into my classes to get straight As. I was purchasing textbooks are realized how costly they are, while researching proper materials to care for succulents in the winter; it was also my birthday. I napped on my desk for a half hour, and munched on baby carrots to sooth my grinding teeth. The month-long vacation was wondrous, and the concept of becoming stressed in the coming days made me stressed, I felt the weight of all of my future responsibilities at once. I took many deep breaths and wrote out on my whiteboard what tasks I felt I needed to complete first - which was all of them. I then took quite a few more deep breaths and wrote what I absolutely, positively had to get done by today (Wednesday), and finally I was able to breath properly. I went to dinner with my best friend and yoga with my squirrel sister. All the tasks I wanted to get done ASAP, I pushed to different days. Changing the ways I describe the necessity of activities has helped me create realistic goals.

For today I will focus on positive, realistic thinking and motivate myself to take things one step at a time and not worry too much about the overall outcome. For example, my goal is not to earn straight As, but rather to learn the material the best I can and maintain my current GPA. If I get straight As, yay, if not my world will not crumble and no one will be disappointed in me, including, myself. 

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my thought processes and my struggle with setting far too high expectations for myself. Maybe you can see a bit of yourself in me. Next week, I’ll update you on my progression, so see you next time!

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