Self-Love for Valentine's Day

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Today is February 14, 2020, a.k.a. Valentine's Day. I want to keep this post honest and simple, so I'll get straight to the point. I am single by choice, and today is all about loving myself. Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re supposed to find a date and take chances on acquaintances or strangers, or go to the movies with your significant other, or even spend the day being a romance Grinch, a hater hating on all your friends who are happy. We’ll get into the history of the holiday, and the genius marketing campaign that created another national day where we get to spend a ton of money - on things we otherwise would not have paid for - on another day. For now, we’re focusing on how I got to this point of enthusiastic self-love, and why you should love yourself too.

So, I’m single. It doesn’t really seem like something that should have to be said, nor something that requires a blog post, but I disagree. There are a lot of women who believe that if they are single there is something fundamentally wrong with them. Haven’t you seen a single Disney princess movie? You’re supposed to be married to a handsome stranger sometime between the ages of 13 (Snow White) and 19 (Princess Tiana). There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be close to someone romantically or even wanting to date, but the problems arise when your reasons don’t come from the healthiest mindset. For example, dating for the fun of meeting new people or taking chances is great, however, dating because you believe that if you’re not in a relationship you’re going to die alone and your life will be miserable is not. Fairytales can be inspirational but also misleading if you haven’t learned that life is not a cartoon. Relationships take time, patience, and sometimes great effort. Right now, I’ve decided that my relationship with myself is my top priority.

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I have a lot of love in my heart. I love the concept of love, and love to imagine how wonderful it would be to go to Paris with my future lover. I watch romance anime, and I am a sucker for a good love story. I love to express how much I care for my friends and family through my writing, and I can’t help but share the joy I feel with the people around me. But, I wasn’t always this way. I used to feel so unbearably lonely, with all the drama in my family and the stress from school. I thought that finding my “soulmate” would fix everything. To avoid thinking about the roots of my problems, in which I had no power to change, I escaped into my imagination and into the possibilities for the future. I developed crushes, fell in love a bit too easily, and hit the ground hard. I would spend all day thinking about how to confess to my crushes and my friends would pump me up, cheering me on. Naturally, I got my heart broken quite a few times, and each time I failed to realize the mentally draining cycle I created: 

1. I would find someone attractive
2. Become infatuated with them
3. Believe that I was in love with them
4. Feel the highs of all the excitement
5. Then the crash of reality smacking me right in the face. 

I used to think that I needed a boyfriend to become whole, that I was missing something, and that’s why I felt so lost. Now, I’m older, and I know that I was just lonely. It’s okay to feel lonely, and it’s okay to feel like nobody cares. We can’t always be 100% positive 24/7 and there are times when we’re just having a hard time. I encourage you to take the time to reflect on your intentions before rushing headfirst into a relationship, and decide whether your actions will really lead to what you’re looking for. A crush can be just a crush. Maybe a friend is just a friend, and that's okay. You are allowed to care deeply for someone, maybe even romantically, but simply not ready to be in a romantic relationship. That's okay too. Love is beautiful and complex. We're college students, this is the time when we explore our interests and shape our identities. Now more than ever it is important to accept who you are, and see that you are beautiful and special and already whole. 

Looking back at my 17-year-old self, I laugh at how adorable I was: I fell in love and placed too much importance on my possible relationships. I've always had amazing people around me, who care and want me to be happy. I'm old now, so I'm focusing more on letting those people know that their love is appreciated; I'm doing my best to reciprocate. However you choose to spend the holiday, make sure you know that you are loved. I've created a little self-love checklist, that you can read aloud to yourself as you begin (or continue) your journey through self-appreciation and self-care. I believe in the power of our words, and have found that changing the way I think, has greatly improved my mood and behaviors towards accepting and improving myself.

If you find anything I've mentioned helpful, leave a comment down below. Make sure to follow us on social media at Coe CollegeLC on Twitter and LearningCommons_CoeCollege on Instagram to keep updated on when our latest posts come out. You can follow my social media at decafpearl on Instagram and Twitter.