Financial Stability as a Form of Self-Love (part 1)

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If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free. 
If our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed. 
~Edmund Burke

I am not just a broke college kid. I may not come from the most financially opulent environment, but I learned at a young age that in order to get anything I want in life I’ll have to work for it. I may not be paid as much as I’d like for the work I do, but when you need the money, you need the money. There are plenty of people on this campus who juggle multiple jobs - on top of extracurriculars and classes - either because they want some extra cash, or because they need it. I’ve spent three years learning how my mental health changes depending on my financial state, and vise-versa, and I want to help those who experience similar situations and have felt similar effects. Whether you’re new to having access to a bank account or you’ve been racking up credit card debt since high school, finances affect us all. On the individual level, how you manage and cope with the challenges that come your way now can affect your mental health and financial situation for years to come. In this series, we will be exploring the psychological effects personal finances have on us through my personal journey to self-love and financial stability.

Let’s begin with how the dictionary defines self-love:

Self-love = an appreciation of one's own worth or virtue, proper regard for 
and attention to one's own happiness or well-being, 
and even inflated love of or pride in oneself. 

Dictionaries are great starting points, but as you learn the value you have as an individual it’s important to create your own definition, based on your needs and experiences. In my case, I’ve worked hard to work through my extreme perfectionism and learn to accept what I can and cannot change. I spent most of my life believing that my value lied in my achievements, and that my life would be made of only successes and failures (black & white thinking). At times, I thought that if I didn’t meet my unrealistically high expectations I would be deemed worthless by my loved ones, and would die alone (catastrophic thinking). From these thoughts and experiences I learned that accepting who you are in the present, who you were in the past, and understanding that you have power over who you are in the future is my definition of self-love. As you would devote yourself to a friend or a pet, you can do to yourself. As much time and energy you spend on outside factors - clubs, sports, volunteering, work - you can spend on yourself. Self-love is the goal, the ideal. I also believe that by taking the initiative and seeing the significance of the role your finances play in your daily life (and future) is a path to this ideal. 

There is no dictionary definition for financial stability/instability, but by picking through the words you get: 

Finance = money or other liquid resource of a government, 
business, group, or individual
Stable = firmly established; not changing or fluctuating

From these definitions you can define financial stability as non-fluctuating money. My personal definition is based on experiences of negative balances (below zero), overdrawn accounts, and earning back every penny I spent my freshman year. Being financially stable means that I can make the necessary payments (broken down on my personal blog) and still have money in the bank. As with self-love, what you define as financially stable depends on factors in your life and your perception of stability. 

To better understand how our mental health is negatively affected by instability and positively affected by stability here are a few examples:

Liz doesn’t have enough money to make an important payment. Her paycheck isn’t enough, and she’s too afraid to ask her family for help. The last time she reached out she was told that she needs to handle financial issues alone, because it was her choice to go to college. She becomes anxious, and blames herself for not taking on more hours. She doesn’t want to, but she has to pull money from her savings account. She’s now completed the payment of time, but her mood is only worsening. She feels like she failed herself by not saving more, and decides that her priorities are wrong. She prioritizes earning money over academics, to help ease her anxiety. 

Caleb spent all of winter break working full-time at a grocery store. Now that the spring semester has begun, he decides to only work on the weekends, to make time for academics and extracurriculars during the week. He doesn’t really need the money because he already saved enough to pay his out-of-pocket costs all at once, but he feels more secure maintaining a steady flow of income. He’s proud of himself for sacrificing his vacation to make the semester less stressful, and since he doesn’t have to worry about finances (much), he’s able to remain focused on his other goals. 

Parts of Liz’s story may remind you of yourself or someone you know, because we’ve all had moments where we didn’t see ourselves in a positive light. When you’re struggling financially, it can be difficult to be optimistic, and you may wind up blaming yourself for events outside of your control. Caleb’s story is relatable because we’ve all felt the relief of not having to worry about finances, maybe after receiving a nice-sized paycheck or some birthday cash. However, when you go through cycles of having and not having necessities, the instability can affect your thoughts and mood, which turns your once clear perception into tunnel vision. I’ve found that when I struggle to make payments, I also struggle to focus on anything else.

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Whether you relate to the struggle, or are simply entertained by my rant, make sure to leave a comment down below, follow us on social media, and stay tuned for part 2 of this post, where we will dive into the (possible) causes of the psychological effects mentioned above and discuss financial insecurities. 
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